The Porn Chronicles

So I went uptown to Sugar Hill, “the sweet life”, to check out a flat. Umm I thought it was a 1br apartment but apparently my Uncle Sonny calls them flats. Whatever the case… The super was late and probably high so that made me late for drinks and wings with a co-worker.

I finally get downtown to the West Villge– a few beers and 50 wings later we decide to scour the village looking for girls who like girls.  For the record, in the village there’s probably more boys who like boys but we’ll save that for later.

We ended up in one of my favorite digs, a sex shop.  Porn galore, now mind you, it’s me, the homies (Ray-J is so corny) and a female companion. We’re talking Roxy Reynolds, Vanessa Del Rio — smacking, choking, head and quality sex but mostly porn thus we were in the porn section.

Now let me tell you, in the porn store there’s a bit of comradrie. Not a bunch of talkin persay, I mean who’s tryna talk to a dude while he’s thinking about potential wack material. However, I spot a brother, my brother in porn, a young white fella no more than 20. The discussion was leaning toward what a waste it is to buy porn because of all the free porn on the Internet.

I said “my man, do you buy porn?” I was laughing, it was clear it was all love. He tries to play me and says “no, I get the real thing”. I laughed right in his face and said “ yeah right, no you don’t“.

Now apparently I embarrased him because he got red, turned around an went to the ther side of the store. I’m dying laughing, — my female friend thinks I’ve ruined this poor 18 yr olds life. I’m still laughing. I was light weight offended. We’re all in the porn store which means — we dig porn. There’s no heiarchy of man in the porn store — dude I’m right here with you, loving the flesh waste.

But it became even funnier when Kool Moe Dee, yeah I’m calling him Kool Mo Dee because he had om a red Old Navy performance fleece with some black Oakley shades trying to look incognito when he really just looked like one of the young twinks (a word I learned tonight for young gay guys) from the show Queer as Folk.

So the same dude who was just too good for porn is now looking to purchase a pocket p****. Umm dude I thought you got real girls. This kid was so pitiful, he then gets id’ed by the store owner and ends up pulling out all the singles from his piggy bank to get his pleasure flesh. Umm I guess he didn’t have enough… Off to the lotion and socks you go my mannn, LOOHOOSERRRR!!!

Lastly, later on at Times Square, I think a John tried to proposition me for gay sex. I’m walking in Port Authority when I hear someone trying to get my attention. Dude looked lost, he was a black man and we all know I believe brothers should be more brotherly toward one another so i stopped to see what he was talking about.

He starts stuttering and then asks me how to get to 34th street. When I begin to explain to him where we are he cuts me off and says he wants to know where he can go to pay someone 5 or 600 dollars. Now I don’t know what would make mr fruit cake proposition me but I know it had to have something to do with my blazer/scarf look. I gotta go back to baggy jeans and timbs, maybe then the dope boys will offer to sell me weed.

I was straight confused, looked at the brother and turned around. In a smirk dickhead move I turned back and said– you mean like a western union. He had a disappointed look on his face like I just didn’t understand. I cracked up laughing at dude walking away. The End